Hot Desk Stress

Who on earth came up with the concept of job interviews? Probably someone with an uncommon gift for for spur-of-the-moment self-promotion and a knack for judging dress codes.

As for the rest of us, we’ve inherited the task of having to manufacture these qualities for 20 minutes at a time while navigating the complexities of contemporary office spaces – you know, wondering if those ripped jeans-clad idlers hanging out near reception are just some randoms, or if that’s a floating task-specific workspace that doubles as a power napping area.

But then, this is typical of Melbourne. Office design trends come and go almost as quickly as the 96 tram, but there seems to be something of an abiding interest in flexible, open plan workspaces that facilitate collaboration. I mean, maybe this isn’t just a Melbourne thing, but as far as this country goes, I’d be willing to bet that most innovations in commercial interiors originate here.

So, what’s the latest in designer office fitouts, Melbourne design buffs? Have we moved on from hot desks yet? For the record, I’ve always found those to be pretty stressful. You’re never quite sure if you’re going to nab the one near the window, which adds just a tiny sliver of additional stress to your day. I suppose if all the desks were by a window, that’d be a different story.

On that point, I’m guessing green views and indoor plantings are still are still a thing, or at least I think they should be. That’s one interior design trend I can get behind, and not just on an aesthetic level. Organic greenery just makes me feel good, and if I can have it constantly in my peripheral vision, all the better for my performance on the job.

Obviously, I do understand the purpose of job interviews, and I don’t really have a better alternative to suggest. I guess I’m just expressing the fact that I don’t feel naturally adept in that arena.

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Game Design Office, Still an Office

Turns out that working in a game development studio is pretty much your average 9-5…with games. Not games during work, mind you. That would be seriously cutting down on productivity time. No, we just do stuff to do with games, and it doesn’t really seem to affect the way business is done all that much. A lot of people here are younger, which makes sense…and I guess I’m just doing grunt work. Still, I thought the vibe of one of Melbourne’s very few game design studio offices would be a little bit more energized.

Guess I just have to work my way to the top and change all that, because hoo boy, I’ve been planning this since I was five years old and my parents got me a Mega Pluto System. I wonder if there are businesses that offer office fitout near Sydney that would be able to take something as wacky as what’s in my head and make it a reality? I bet most office designers get calls for a lot of the same stuff, not that they necessarily WANT to be doing the same thing over and over again. “Yeah, could you make it open plan? White walls are fine. Some sort of neutral carpet; light blue, maybe. No, dark blue, definitely. And maybe have a few slightly alternative lights hanging from the ceiling that no one will notice after the first week. Thanks.”

Whereas if I was in control here, I’d make this a REAL video game office. Like, consoles on pedestals to show how far we’ve come. Screens everywhere with games just active, so anyone can jam on them and get their working mojo back. And the wall graphics…well, there would be wall graphics. That, and so much more. I bet if I found an office renovations and fitout company right here in the middle of Sydney and asked them for that, they’d appreciate the unique challenge. That’s what all offices should be anyway: representative of their type of business. And fun. Because games are fun.


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How Do You Revive an Office Culture?

Got to say, I’m not really impressed by Polo: A Space Conflicts Tale. I get that everyone wanted a definitive origin story for Dan Polo, the galaxy’s most notorious space polo player (space polo is like regular polo, except they use massive spaceships instead of horses, and they wield gigantic laser bats to smack planets around). And it’s nice seeing how Dan got his name (because he plays polo) and how he meets all of his friends, but the whole thing just felt generic.

Generic is something I don’t really need any more of in my life, and if you saw my office, you’d understand. The place looks like the start of some 80s movie about a guy who feels trapped in mediocrity. Pretty sure the last time the boss got on the phone to find the best office designers Melbourne companies can trust, it was the seventies. Back then everything was covered in a haze of smoke and you could make it all as drab and lifeless as possible. Now we live in the enlightened era where smoking in an office building is utterly unthinkable, so…drab, lifeless office for all to see!

Even if there was some kind of office fitout whirlwind over the weekend and I came in to find that the walls were purple and all the cubicles and spinning chairs had been replaced by open-plan beanbags, I’m not convinced that the people here would fit the space. They’re all a little bit older than I am, a lot more world-weary, and no one even gets my pop culture references. I’m not even going to bother asking if anyone has seen Polo, because I know none of them have. And I guess asking a bunch of generic people if they’ve seen a generic movie is a recipe for boredom anyway.

I could be wrong, though. Someone could win a competition, getting us the best office designers operating in Melbourne to come and glam up the place, thus causing everyone to suddenly wake up and realise that life is beautiful and what-not. But I have my doubts.


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