It’s Me, Still Doing Everything

I guess I’m the only one doing anything around here? So business as usual, that’s what they say. Doesn’t help that it’s been MONTHS since the Golfing Expo website went down, and that was where I vented all my stress. I have to make use of…places like this, I guess. Now the actual property we’re using for the Expo is up for debate, since someone forgot to file the paperwork. And by someone, I’m talking about Justine, obviously. What’s your title, Justine? Oh, you’re in charge of all the important documents?

Seriously, this is what I have to work with. All my other jobs, and I have to pick up the rest of the mess. Of course! I’ll be the one to go to the office of the conveyancer in Caulfield, not even close to where I live, so I can hunt for some old housing paperwork that proves we definitely own this place we’re using for the expo. The one good thing is that the conveyancers around here actually know their stuff; didn’t take long once I was in the office. Probably could have done it on the phone, to be honest. I dashed back to school, picked up the kids, fed the family and make sure the whole place was clean before heading out again. Then I went to the meeting that night to present the fact that I’d talked to the conveyancers and everything was fine, only to discover that Justine had cleaned her desk for once and found the documents anyway.

Nice one, Justine. And where was Janine, our so-called head of admin? On her holiday. And Nadine, the morale officer? Having a nervous breakdown. I swear, between Justine, Janine, Nadine, Lorleen, Janene, Carleen, Shirleen, Harleen, Praline, Cystine, Antihistamine and Chlorine…wait. Hang on. I just noticed something about ALL my friends.

…they’re all useless! Next time, YOU can drive to the conveyancer in Cheltenham or wherever. At least they’re actually efficient once you get there.


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You Can Achieve Your Home Dream Today!

Conferences are GREAT. It’s no wonder I feel like I’m addicted; in fact, I’d keep going to them forever if I could. That rush of emotion at the end of each one…I know it’s somewhat artificial, and I’ve been to enough conferences to know that it’s almost a given to really solidify the experience in your head, but once you get past that it’s just magical. I know it’s coming, and I wait for it.

Yesterday’s was on buying your first home and why everyone can do it, entitled ‘Buying Your First Home: Why Everyone Can Do It’. It was taken by someone who used to be a property advocate servicing Melbourne, and now they’ve turned their incredible talents towards seminars that help people of my generation achieve the Australian dream: buying your own home. With a pool. See, that’s the part that makes it superior to the American Dream. A home in America MIGHT have a pool, but our dream is better because it accepts nothing less.

Anyway, that was the first module. Then it was ‘Buyers Advocates, and what they can do for you’, and then we went on to talking about the negative thoughts that hold us back from our dream. That one caused quite a few tears, and we had to take a coffee break to gather ourselves for the next module: the property market, and climbing the ladder. And then to finish, we all linked hands and promised each other that we would never give up, and that we’d both memorise the Home Buyer’s Sonnet and keep it in our hearts. Hoo boy, the tears were flowing heavily at that point, but we managed to say goodbye to both each other and our esteemed Melbourne buyers advocacy master. Maybe one day, I will hire one of his former work colleagues, and I shall find the home of my dreams. In fact…I know I will. If I believe, all of my housing dreams are 100% possible. I just have to have faith!

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Robot Suits For…Property Advocates?

You know what would make home buying a lot better? Powered exoskeletons.

Okay, so that sounds like a bit of a stretch, but hear me out. Currently, home buying is quite the pavement pounding experience, with many people stating that it’s exhausting and it consumes most of their free time when not at work. After all, it’s not like you can just teleport from one house viewing to another…unless you can FLY. This can even be used for buyers advocates! Melbourne needs this incredible innovation!

Ugh, THIS is exhausting. Robot suits don’t make *everything* better, you know, and yet they just stuck me here and told me to sell it. Why would a buyers advocate need a mech suit? They already do a fancy job. They get to walk around high-end properties and make decisions on whether the pool is big enough for their client’s specifications. I know why I was told to target the profession, as well. Martin (the boss) keeps saying that this is going to be a big deal, we’re going to make a ton of cash, and THEN he’ll want a buyers whatever to find him a big mansion where he can reign supreme as the guy who made mech suits ubiquitous. If only life were so easy.

Fact: people who are home buying can’t afford an expensive piece of machinery on top of that, especially one that isn’t cheap to run. At current fuel expenditure, you’d basically be using those jet boots to hop in between petrol stations to recharge, money that could be going towards a new home. And Melbourne’s property advocates? They do their jobs just fine; they don’t need jet boots, cup-holders, internal cooling, digital radio or six different laser pointer colours stashed in the wrist gauntlets. Nobody needs this stuff, except crazy collectors with a load of cash lying around. And they pretty much all HAVE high-end properties already.


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