Chronicles of Plumbing

Welcome to the Chronicles of Plumbing. 

The Chronicles of Plumbing are a bunch of stories that have been passed down by people in Melbourne with the first story originating around ten years ago, and the last story being as recently as a couple of weeks ago. I always thought that the Chronicles of Plumbing were fictional stories intended to scare children into saving water and practising proper hygiene. However, now I’m not sure. I think the Chronicles of Plumbing could actually be real.

The reason I think this is because my experience was the latest to be added to the Chronicles. It started about a month ago when I had a blocked sewer. Melbourne sewers are notorious for causing problems and in the stories, it’s because they’re old and for hundreds of years children have been putting miscellaneous things down the drains. One hundred years ago the children put quills and old toys down the drains. Today, kids put gadgets and mechanical things down the drains, which are causing more problems than the children one hundred years ago did.

I personally thought this whole concept was a myth, because who would put toys down the drain? Even in adulthood, I thought the concept of the Chronicles of Plumbing was laughable. Until the plumber did drain repairs in Brighton, which was the source of my blocked sewer. Apparently, the cause of the blockage was hundreds of different toys all clumped together in one big ball of God knows what. Some of the toys were new, and some looked like they had been there for a century, which made me second guess everything I had thought about the Chronicles of Plumbing. I mentioned it to the plumber and he had no idea what I was talking about. I guess it makes sense, he isn’t from the area.

My peculiar story is just one of many weird things that have happened in the plumbing world. I sure hope nothing else happens.

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The Drain People

I’ve been to the Office Olympics. They’re alright.

I like the idea of alternative sports, but nothing gets me as excited as the Tradie Olympics. When I switched from white-collar to blue-collar, I was let into the secret of the Tradie Olympics, and I’ve never looked back. Best event of the whole year, hands down. Of course, the Melbourne drain unblocking companies always somehow manage to win, but I think that’s because drain maintenance gives you a wider range of skills than most jobs.

It’s like, okay, I do plumbing, and that’s cool. I know how to go underneath buildings and I can do most stuff to do with drains, but drain unblocking people just blow me out of the water. So they unblock drains, yeah? But they also do drain camera inspections, which gives them some serious tech skills. Those drain cameras are crazy, man…tiny little things, packed with so much power to get into small spaces.

And then you’ve got people who go above and beyond to do sewer repair, and I’m like…wow, you do you. I’m not going anywhere near a sewer if I can help it. I’m okay with the dark, and the smell is fine, whatever, but crocodiles live down there, and possibly worse. There’s a rumour that says some bad ghost thing used to live in the Keymore Mansion, but it got flushed into the sewers of Melbourne. Drain cleaning people don’t care. They just walk around down there, fixing things like it’s not a thing.

So they compete, with their tech skills and fearlessness and ability to navigate in the dark and they can also operate without seeing anything, did I mention that? Just sticking their hands down pipes that could be stuffed with anything, and it’s just a day at the office for them. Man, I wish I could be that cool.

-Johnson

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