One Man, One Boat, One Indeterminate Fish

Everyone is busy getting their five seconds of fame. When is it going to be my turn, I wonder?? So much reality TV, but no one has thought to create a show called The World’s Greatest Fisherman, or Catch of the Millennium. I don’t think they have, anyway. I should probably google it. Then I’d find out that it’s already been a thing on some obscure American channel, but that’s not good enough because I don’t live in America.

That’s why I’m trying my hand at a documentary instead. It’ll be a thrilling account of me and Bessie (that’s my boat) and our journey down the Yarra to catch the biggest fish ever caught in Melbourne, if not Victoria. I’ve only got my phone camera and no one else to hold it, but whatever. Found-footage is all the rage nowadays.

Obviously I need to get Bessie seaworthy first, since she’s seen better days at the moment. Need to fix the hole, and the oar-holders have snapped off. Funnily enough, couldn’t find any outboard motor repair people in Melbourne who were willing to work for the exposure, even with my promises of documentary stardom. I can’t row AND film AND fish at the same time, so that outboard motor is going to need servicing at some point. Still, this is exactly the type of setback that’ll add twists and turns to my documentary. How will he get the motor fixed? Is this the end of the quest for the greatest catch in Melburnian history??

It’s not; if need be I can just walk along the bank and fish at random intervals. I just don’t think it’ll be quite as interesting though. Also, it totally ruins my ultimate tagline: One Man, One Boat, One Monster Trout.

Obviously the name of the fish is variable, depending on what I catch. But if my search for very affordable outboard motor servicing in Melbourne keeps going the way it’s going, then Bessie will just have to languish in the front garden. I can’t think of another tagline; it took me long enough to just come up with that one!