The Drain People

I’ve been to the Office Olympics. They’re alright.

I like the idea of alternative sports, but nothing gets me as excited as the Tradie Olympics. When I switched from white-collar to blue-collar, I was let into the secret of the Tradie Olympics, and I’ve never looked back. Best event of the whole year, hands down. Of course, the Melbourne drain unblocking companies always somehow manage to win, but I think that’s because drain maintenance gives you a wider range of skills than most jobs.

It’s like, okay, I do plumbing, and that’s cool. I know how to go underneath buildings and I can do most stuff to do with drains, but drain unblocking people just blow me out of the water. So they unblock drains, yeah? But they also do drain camera inspections, which gives them some serious tech skills. Those drain cameras are crazy, man…tiny little things, packed with so much power to get into small spaces.

And then you’ve got people who go above and beyond to do sewer repair, and I’m like…wow, you do you. I’m not going anywhere near a sewer if I can help it. I’m okay with the dark, and the smell is fine, whatever, but crocodiles live down there, and possibly worse. There’s a rumour that says some bad ghost thing used to live in the Keymore Mansion, but it got flushed into the sewers of Melbourne. Drain cleaning people don’t care. They just walk around down there, fixing things like it’s not a thing.

So they compete, with their tech skills and fearlessness and ability to navigate in the dark and they can also operate without seeing anything, did I mention that? Just sticking their hands down pipes that could be stuffed with anything, and it’s just a day at the office for them. Man, I wish I could be that cool.

-Johnson