Suddenly, Ocean Homes

Talk about your crazy days. If things continue the way they are, there are going to be property conveyancers in Melbourne who exclusively deal in ocean property. You can definitely blame TV show ‘Echolocation!’ for that one. All the girls at the club are talking about it, it’s been on the front page of the Trumpeting Moon a few times, and they just commissioned a third series to continue the dangling plot threads of the second-season finale, which is a weird because it’s reality TV and these situations were probably dealt with months ago. Ah, whatever, it’s good television.

But seriously, it seems as if more people live in the ocean than I thought. Most of them are marine biologists, but the show has focused on a few people who live there for pleasure, so I guess this could really be a ‘thing’. All they need to do is make waterproof homes and drop them in the sea, and then the boating industry needs to start catering towards people who need boats for quick commutes, and then…I wonder what the legality of land ownership is like at the bottom of the ocean? Or even just the ocean in general.

I don’t think the sale of land act 1962 covers the sea floor, so conveyancers have their work cut out for them if they want to expand their jurisdiction. I guess it’d be the same deal if people suddenly started living in floating houses up in the clouds, although I guess ‘airspace’ is a thing, and airports might have a thing or two to say. Whereas the ocean floor is mostly just for the fish, and the occasional octopus.

We’re living in the future now. People just planting homes wherever they like; in sunken ships and submarines or whatever. Maybe I need to train as a conveyancer, learn how to do title transfers and then get a head start on how to process them when someone wants to live right next to the Great Barrier Reef. Now that’s going to be premium property in a few years.


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The Jacoby Family On the Move

So as it turns out, that letter of eviction that came through Cassius’ door wasn’t fake. He, his wife and their six kids have a month to leave, since their property is being claimed by the council.

Now, I know I’m going to be the one who clears this up. Obviously I am, because Mother and Father don’t know the first thing about moving; almost no one in the Jacoby clan does. We’ve been in the same place for over a hundred years, so no one has the slightest clue what to do when you have to up and move somewhere else entirely.

No, Cassius, you don’t just pack everything into the ute and go to find a house that isn’t occupied. That only worked the first time because Great Uncle Homer left you his house after he had that shotgun-possum incident. But I can’t just go to Cassius and Clara and say “So, guys, there are conveyancing solicitors in Melbourne, and they help you out with transferring ownership of property. Now, this here ain’t yours any more, so you have to find a place on the market and put in and offer, after which…”

I would lose them on the second syllable. It’s not that Jacoby folk don’t have the smarts to figure out conveyancers, vendors statements and buying a home- well, we might not, but that’s besides the point- but the fact that we ain’t never done it before. I only know because I read some books and I like to keep up with the local property market. For…research. And other stuff. Hey, hey, I gotta be getting my own place at some point. There are some benefits to sharing a room with four brothers, but privacy ain’t one of them. Reading time is more limited than I’d like.

Anyway, I’m helping them out. If I have to find a conveyancer with quality service in Melbourne somewhere, I will…and it’s gonna have to be top-class, because they’ll be dealing with first-timers. That is, first-timers even less initiated then regular first timers.

-Forrest Jacoby Jr. Jr.

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